It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize