bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize