stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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