the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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