I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
