You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
