Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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