I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
