Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
