Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
