Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
