im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
