that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
