so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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