i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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