i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
