I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize