I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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