You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
