who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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