my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
