On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
