like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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