Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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