Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
