that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
