dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Bring me that man meat
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
