At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
