Christians are straight up FREAKS
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
