Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
