Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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