Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
