Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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