Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
