Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
