my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
