Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
