He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
