used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
