We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Say something about gay babies.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
