Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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