I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
