I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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