Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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