Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
