i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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