He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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