Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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