To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
