So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
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Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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