I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
