i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize