and you said cock pushups were impossible
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You are the jesus of drinking
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
