He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
