You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
