It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
