Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
