its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
