last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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