Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
The ass gains better be worth it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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