I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
