i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
