Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
