I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize