guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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