My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
