I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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